The Struggle
by A Fair Amount of Strife
Summary: Eren awakens in an unfamiliar place after a long night out with a man who can't keep his eyes off him. Armin struggles with who he is, who he aspires to be, and how Jean fits into that equation. Mikasa fights for her right to bare her body, and Annie isn't ashamed of her womanhood. This, my friends, is The Struggle.


Somewhere in medieval England or something, a brunette boy of thirteen years, Eren Jaeger (named after his mother's favorite drink), awoke to an unfamiliar ceiling with a throbbing headache.

_What in the actual fuck happened last night_. He peeled back the blanket from his sticky chest. He ran a hand through his hair and littered the bed with glitter. Bright colors bled together on the surface of his palms…as if he had been holding a fistful of skittles.

Eren stretched his lanky limbs and was rewarded with a chorus of satisfying popping sounds. He scratched his balls and stood up, bare-ass naked, save for the rainbow suspenders painted shoulder-to-groin. _Fucking why oh my god._

Just then, the door to the small guest room slammed open and a soul-shatteringly deep voice bellowed, "Heeeey Hun. Do you like Wendy's?"

Fucking Reiner.

"Cuz you're gonna just _love _it Wendy's nuts are in your mouth! Well, you did last night anyways," the muscled blond lisped, sending a wink Eren's way.

"Reiner you are never going to get this dick you thirsty bitch. Even that twink Armin isn't so shameless."

Reiner gave a melodramatic sigh. "How would you like me to scrub your mouth out with my dick, Hun? Your balls haven't even dropped. I can wait a couple years." Eren wrapped the blanket around his hips.

"Reiner can you not. Why do I smell like vomit and cheap cologne?"

A baritone giggle sounded throughout the room. "Oh Hun don't you remember? The Titan Pride Parade came through the village last night! It was the first year your mom let you tag along! You silly goose. Well you won't have to worry about asking her permission anymore, since she got deep-throated by the Level 51 Titan."

"Excuse me?"

"What?"

"You talking shit about my mom?"

"I don't talk shit about the dead."

"What?"

"What what?"

"Okay fuck you, I'm out." Eren dropped the blanket and made to leave.

"I wish you would, Hun."

"What?"

"What what?"

Eren huffed in frustration and began the walk of shame all the way to Armin's house.

In the distance, Reiner called, "I hate to see you leave, but I love to watch you go!"

* * *

"Eren where the hell are your clothes?"

"Is the male anatomy fucking offensive, Mikasa?"

"It will be, when I bring down the patriarchy. I'd be hanged if I went out with my kitten flapping in the breeze."

"Good. Do it. Who the fuck is this?" Eren gestured to the darker skinned girl standing with Mikasa.

"I am Ymir, and my eyes are up here," the girl drawled with an apathetic expression.

"Are you Mikasa's one black friend that she only keeps around so her social justice bullshit seems more credible?"

"I am Mikasa's girlfriend."

Mikasa shrugged. "Once you go black, you don't go back. And it's not bullshit. You just wouldn't understand the struggle since you're a fucking white boy."

"Nobody wants you for an ally," said Ymir.

"Wow I feel so oppressed right now. Cry me a river ladies." And with that, Eren pushed past the girls and continued towards Armin's house.

* * *

"Coconut-headed bitch nigga, where the fuck you at?" called Eren from Armin's doorstep. A blond bobbed head appeared in a second-story window.

"I'm coming Eren!" cried the mushroom, and the sound of hurried footsteps approached the door.

_I've heard that plenty of times before… _Eren smirked to himself.

"Eren where are your clothes? We got separated at the Titan Pride Parade last night and I was worried Reiner might have taken advantage of you! You know his type."

"His type? You mean gay?"

Armin slapped a hand over Eren's mouth. "You don't speak of those around here," he spoke in a hushed voice.

Eren removed the boy's hand from his face. "Your hand smells like ball sweat. Were you rubbin one out? 'Cause I can wait the 30 seconds it'll take you to finish."

"I am a child of God and I do no such thing. Don't be ridiculous."

"When are you going to cut your hair? You look like an Asian immigrant," Eren asked as Armin led him up to his bedroom.

"Don't compare me to those filthy laborers. All they want to do is take our jobs and mooch off our government."

"My mom came from Germany you know."

"That's different, she's white," said Armin as he sorted through his dresser drawers for something that might fit Eren. "Did you want to shower or something? Rainbow body paint? Really? You look like a…_homosexual_."

"Aight." Eren stepped into the bathroom adjacent to Armin's bedroom. Several dirty tissues littered the floor, and a magazine lay open in front of the toilet. This issue of _Chaps in Assless Chaps _featured pornstar Jean Kirstein sprawled lewdly across a two-page spread. "Doing some light reading Armin?" Eren called from the bathroom.

"I got sent the wrong issue, I promise you! I am subscribed to _Better Homes and Gardens_, not this satanic garbage! I'm not that kind of person." Armin exclaimed, cheeks reddening.

"Why don't you give it to Annie then? I hear she's a bit of a nymphomaniac. She's having a bit of a dry spell the past week though, which is why she's being such a twat lately. Go be a nice little God warrior and moisten the bitch's panties. It'll be your good deed of the day." Eren stripped down and stepped into the shower.

Armin blushed hotly and stammered, "I-I-I'm just going to throw this out. It isn't natural you know!" He marched out of the bathroom and slammed the door.

* * *

Once out of Eren's earshot, Armin whispered down to Jean's oiled up asscheeks, "This is so wrong but feels so right. You will always have a place in my heart, my sinful love," and gently tucked the magazine under his mattress, where it lay to rest with his limited edition Titans and Twinks Twerk It Out dvd.

* * *

A/N: I am so sorry that this is a thing. Two of my best friends just asked me to write them an Attack on Titan fanfic even though I only know some characters' names and faces. The views expressed by the characters are not a reflection of my own personal beliefs, hehe~


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